MY MIDDLE NAME IS T-R-O-U-B-L-E

SABLE TROUBLE HUNTER – When It Rains It Pours CONTEST
In my little corner of the world, bad things come in threes. Anytime you hear that someone has died, everyone always wonders who the other two unlucky bastards will be. Ha! I’m not kidding; I’m as serious as a heart attack. With me, accidents and ill luck come in clumps. Once the malady hits, it stays with me for a while.
Just this week, I lost a computer. Yes, I was checking out a risqué site and I downloaded some pesky virus which informed me that the FBI was on my tail and I had to pay $300.00 or go to jail – go straight to jail. Well, I didn’t pay the $300.00 and I’m not in jail – yet. But I wouldn’t put it past my local sheriff’s department to come after me; I’m not exactly the most popular person in the county. I’m infamous. But no publicity is bad publicity. Right? But I didn’t really expect the FBI to come after me, I’ve been investigated by those rapscallions twice already – they know where I live.
Anyway, once my computer was on lockdown, I retrieved my little pink portable harddrive and inserted it into Jess’s work computer (which I confiscated) and the damn thing wouldn’t work. I couldn’t open nary a file. I NEARLY DIED! THUNDERBIRD AND SKYE BLUE WERE ON THAT COMPUTER!!!!!!! Now, to give myself some credit, I had most of THUNDERBIRD in emails that Ryan and I had been sending back and forth – but STILL!!!!!! I was not happy. That little pink harddrive wasn’t nearly as reliable as my little pink hard-driving jack rabbit. Ha!
Next, I find that there are problems with my audio book. It isn’t formatted correctly. So, now we are buying new equipment to work on it and I’m rethinking my process. Oh well, live and learn.
Abby Grace pooped in the floor, too – for good measure, I suppose.
But down to my main point, I’m not a lucky person. I fall. I trip. Of course, sometimes I’m bouncing on the bed and my mom always said I deserved to land on my head. If I’m speeding, I meet a cop. Of course, I have a way with cops. I drove a black Jaguar for several years and never put a front license plate on it because I didn’t want to ruin the looks of my S type. And that’s against the law in Texas. We can carry damn guns but we have to have a front license plate – I don’t get it.
I also wear extensions sometimes. I prefer the ones with beads in them, it sorta gives me an exotic Native American look except for when I put my head too far in the oven and they melt – all over the rest of my hair. Who knew synthetic hair was so sensitive? And don’t ask why I put my head in the oven!
I go in men’s restrooms a lot, not intentionally, I just go blank on the symbology. Those arrow signs – up and down are the worst and since my Uncle has bought a kilt, I am getting the skirt thing confused. But I have discovered that men don’t particularly care when you barge in – I had one ask me to ‘hold on and he’d be right with me’ – I laughed but I didn’t stay.
I have done crazy things in my time. I’m the one who got the microphone hung in her mouth and swallowed the bug while singing and was still singing when the bug crawled back up. And – oh yeah, I tried to take a laxative one night and I wormed myself with cat wormer instead.
But one of the worst things was when I was brushing my teeth. My toothbrush didn’t taste just right and afterwards I mentioned it to my brother and he says ‘didn’t you use your new toothbrush? I left you one in there.’ I said ‘no, I prefer my old toothbrush’. And he said ‘well, don’t use that one, I’ve been cleaning my tennis shoes with it!” BARF! GAG! BONK! I chased him all over the house with a bean bag pillow!
Oh, and I’ve locked myself out of the house on numerous occasion when there is no one around to help me and I’ve crawled back into the bathroom which all worked real well until I had my house renovated and we put in these narrow little decorative window and I got my big rump hung in one of them. Not cool, I just hung there for a while until I burned enough calories or gravity sorta won over and I kerflopped down.
Well, you might say – what’s your point? My point is that I don’t let these incidents go to waste. Whether it’s having a male in my family open my dildo delivery and chunk it across the yard, or befriending a wild skunk or telling my brother’s circumcision story – anything that happens in our family is fair game to go into a book. They say write what you know – so I do. My middle name is TROUBLE!
Not too long ago I was dyeing my hair outside on the porch – I like to try different colors. Usually by the time I’m through with my hair all of the cats are a darker shade of brown also. This time I had taken my beloved dog outside. There was crap going on that had me shook up and so I didn’t have good sense. When I got the dye on I went back in the house and Mojo wanted to go to Jess’s room, so I let him in there. And then promptly forgot about it. When the hour had passed and it was time to rinse the color out of my hair, I was in my shower and having a high heel ole’ time. When it hit me! (erroneously) I had left my beloved Mojo outside to be eaten by alligators or kidnapped by dognappers! So, I panicked! Literally. I ran out of the house. I ran out of the house – BUCK NAKED! And I was screaming at the top of my lungs. MOJO! MOJO! MOJO!
Then I heard Jess screaming – IDIOT! HE’S WITH ME! And he threw me a towel out the door. COVER UP BEFORE YOU’RE ARRESTED FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE! Well, I wasn’t arrested, but I did get a rousing round of applause from a few observant neighbors. This story made it into I’ll See You In My Dreams.
So, nothing goes to waste in my world. Not fantasies. Not sad things. Not funny things. So, be careful what you do around me – I’m watching – I’ll write about you!!!
Ha!
Thank you
Sable
Tell me a funny trouble story of yours and I’ll pick a winner for a 10.00 amazon gift certificate at 10 pm central time tonight.

About sablehunter

Sable Hunter writes erotic romance. She writes what she likes to read and enjoys putting her fantasies on paper. Her stories are emotional reads where the heroine is faced with challenges, like one of her favorite songs – she’s holding out for a hero – and boy, can she deliver a hero. Her aim is to write a story that will make you laugh, cry and sweat. If she can wring those emotions out of a reader, then she has done her job. She grew up in south Louisiana along the mysterious bayous where the Spanish moss hangs thickly over the dark waters. The culture of Louisiana has shaped her outlook on life and made its way into her novels where the supernatural is entirely normal. Presently, Sable lives in Texas and spends most of her time in wild and wonderful Austin. She is passionate about animals and has been known to charm creatures from a one ton bull to a family of racoons. For fun, Sable has been known to haunt cemeteries and battlefields armed with night-vision cameras and digital recorders hunting proof that love survives beyond the grave.She writes for Secret Cravings Publishing as well as publishes much of her own work. Join her in her world of magic, alpha heroes, sexy cowboys and hot, steamy, to-die-for sex. Step into the shoes of her heroines and escape to places where dreams can come true and orgasms only come in multiples.
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30 Responses to MY MIDDLE NAME IS T-R-O-U-B-L-E

  1. Mary Preston says:

    Thank you for the laugh. I should say commiserations, but too funny. Remind me not to stand to close to you, it might rub off.

  2. Jennifer Gallagher says:

    LOL LOL hugs n thanks for the laugh.. we love ya Sable.. you make us feel special everyday.. … So anyone can pop up in your book.. need to mind my P’s & Q’s lol lol

  3. Donya says:

    Love the story! It’s good to know I’m not alone. Here’s my story.

    I was the oldest of four and the only girl, I then had two boys. Constantly being around so much testosterone, you’d figure I’d be an athletic tomboy. NO!!! Clumsy – like REALLY clumsy!! I fall all the time, I’ve rolled into my son’s class, fallen backwards over someone at choir recital, even fallen into the bleachers at my son’s graduation. It’s not an exciting event until I’ve made a fool out of myself. Case in point – family reunion – BIG family reunion, Picture time – I set the timer on the camera and then run towards the big family gathering, on gymnasium carpet – YUP! I fall and slide, sprawled spread eagle on my face. I get up and my all three of my brothers are belly roll laughing and yell, “SAFE!!” My kids hid their faces; my aunts, uncles and cousins try desperately not to laugh; and my husband shakes his head and rolls his eyes. I get in place and turn around and NOTHING! No picture! The timer doesn’t work! UGH! Humiliation for nothing, but according to my brothers, I gave them the best gift ever and they are still talking about it!

  4. Clare O'Beara says:

    Of course you need a front licence plate. It’s so if a car is reversing away from having run over someone, a bystander can note the number. You wouldn’t do that, but suppose they’d stolen your car? And some toll bridges and speed cameras photograph the front plate.
    Aside from that what can I say? Boring lives would make for boring books!

    • sablehunter says:

      all of that may be true – but it sure would mess up the sexy front end of a jag – – i did put it on my lexus but it was unwillingly – – and if i did run over someone – i’d stop – haha – and who wants to be caught for speeding? – – you are entirely too lawabiding – not an outlaw like me – haha

  5. slinkydennis says:

    Oh wow! Sable you made me laugh and I so needed that today. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s nice to know everyone’s life isn’t perfect. When I was teenager, we all would go to the community pool and swim. Well I had just started my period and still wanted to swim, so I wore a tampon for the first time. Needless to say, my new nickname was stringy. It stuck for a couple of years too. It was pretty bad. 🙂

  6. Was on the way to six flags with my two daughters and one had her boyfriend driving thank god.. But I was in back trying to put top of bathing suit on when one boob slipped out put on back in and the other would pop out lol my daughter in back laughing the one up front says that’s why the truckers keep honking I wanted to die laughing finally my daughter helped me get it tied but tummy hurt from laughing

  7. I hate this dam thing lol here we go again lol……was to go six flags with my two daughters and oldest boyfriend he was driving thank you well trying to put top of bathing suit on my boob came out put it back in my daughters were laughing and then the other popped out daughter in back laughing her butt off me trying to keep them in and my daughter in front says that’s why the truckers keep honking laughing the whole time my daughter helped me tie it and was able to keep the girls in the rest of the way lol tummy hurt from laughing but hey we got honks lol

  8. brandylees says:

    Thanks for the morning giggles!! I am not clumsy so much as forgetful. It is a daily occurrence for me to walk into a room and have no idea why I am there.

    I can not grasp the fact that I can recall word for word songs from high school (coughs) 20 years ago but can never remember why I went to the kitchen!

    Have an awesome Tuesday! 🙂

  9. Elaine R says:

    Too funny! What a way to start the day!!!!

  10. suzlyne says:

    Nothing. I got nothing after reading your post. LOL!!! There are no stories to top yours! It’s no wonder your books are so much fun to read. Even if you put a smidgeon of yourself in them they are going to be awesome!
    suz2(at)cox(dot)net

  11. JeanMP says:

    I don’t think I would have anything to top those stories of yours, reading your post, I spit coffee all over the desk. Thanks for the laughs this morning.

  12. Libby Cercasa says:

    Can’t believe I’m going to put this here but here goes…Hubby and I were trying to get pregnant and things just weren’t happening so the doc tells us that we have to away and have sex. Yes I know, how romantic. Well anyhoo…off we go and do the deed. Another instruction was no washing. Oh it was ok for hubby but not me. So back I go to the doctor’s office and am sitting in the waiting room feeling like everyone else there knows exactly what I’ve been up to. Eventually I’m called in and after stripping away the lower garments assume the position on the examination bed for the test that all females dread. The idea was to see if the sperm was still alive or if my bits had gone on the rampage and killed of all the little suckers. Well in goes the ‘salad server’ – yep you know what I mean don’t you girls? Well time passed by and I mean a lot of time and I’m thinking to myself ‘what the hell is he doing down there?’ He remained bent over at the bottom the bed and I started wondering whether I should be asking him if he’s seen enough yet. Besides the obvious reason I’m starting to feel extremely uncomfortable and a little worried. Not having kids I know that I haven’t accidently smothered myself down there with glitter or anything so he’s not transfixed on that. Just as I’m about to ask him what the hell is going on he speaks and tells me that his back has gone and he can’t stand up. Well what a dilemma – he’s bent over and stuck looking like a turkey at thanksgiving. Going through my head were visions of me waddling out to the reception area half naked to get help. After another lengthy delay where we were both obviously trying to think of solutions he says that he can remove the ‘salad server’ then I can get dressed and summon help. So that’s what happens and other that the uncomfortable feeling of getting dressed in front of him and in a different scenario he would be leaving money on the dresser, help arrives and I assume my place in the waiting room. Then the stares and glares start but not as bad as when the receptionist returns and informs everyone that all appointments are cancelled for the next three months. Well if looks could kill! Three months later I go through it all again and the first thing he says to me is “be gentle with me.”

  13. June M. says:

    I used to work 3rd shift and came home one morning at about 8:20 am. When I opened my door, my dog ran out. We lived way too close to a busy road and the front yard was not fenced in so she was not allowed out that door. She also doesn’t wear a collar 😦 Anyway, I dropped my purse and everything and took off after her to the neighbor’s driveway. After she ran around a while (with me having a panic attack that she would run to the main road and get hit), she finally came up to me. I had fallen a few months before and messed up my back and was not allowed to lift more than 10 lbs (she is about 50) so I was trying to think of how to get her back to the house. I had on a pull over hoodie, over a t-shirt so I got the bright idea to use the hoodie, tie an arm around her and use it as a leash to get her home. I was holding her with one hand and pulled off my hoodie with the other. I noticed immediately that it was much cooler. I had pulled my t-shirt off too! There I was, 8:30 am in my neighbor’s driveway without a shirt on. I very quickly pulled the t-shirt back on and started working to get my girl home. My family had a HUGE laugh over this. I don’t think anyone witnessed it, at least no one mentioned it thankfully 🙂

  14. Laurie P says:

    Hi Sable TROUBLE,

    My name is Laurie TROUBLE. I’m like you…I’m the one who gets the “extra” something in my food when we go out to eat. I’m the one who has their car die on the freeway in the middle lane in rush hour traffic. Lock my self out, of course! House and car, we have extra keys and AAA because of it. I’m the one who trips over nothing on sidewalks, which leads to my story. Hubby and I were at the mall, I was in the beauty supply and he was at the grocery store. I, of course got done first and was on my way to meet him. I, of course caught the tip of my flip flop in a raised edge of the sidewalk. I, of course did a full body face plant. (witnessed by many, of course) I’m bleeding from my toe, knee, elbow and hand on the right side. Sobbing too, cause, darn it, it hurt like hell! (I, of course am not a pretty crier either) Mall security couldn’t just give me a cloth to clean the blood and a band-aide…nooooooo, they call the Fire Dept and the EMTs. So there I am, bleeding all over the place, getting my boo boo’s cleaned and bandaged by 6 hot, hunky Firemen, who are trying not to laugh…by this time hubby is out of the store and finds me. He just shook his head, (at that time we’d been married 25 years) told me “of course, only you”.
    Laurie P
    goaliemom0049(at)gmail.com

  15. Becky says:

    My hubby popped my butt with his belt one night right after we got married, just playing around. I wasn’t amused. I waited until the next morning (Sunday)& when I got out of the shower, I started spanking his naked butt with his belt. He ran all over the house and finally out of the front door onto the porch, so I locked him out. We lived beside the church at the time and he mooned all of the little old ladies going into church, his grandmother and aunt included. I left him out there about 10 minutes banging on the door and hollering for me to please let him in, lol. By the time he got in and got dressed, his mom called wanting to know why he was outside naked. Gotta love small town USA—until this day his aunt gets a big laugh about it.

  16. Tricia K says:

    OMG I haven’t laughed this hard in forever. This was awesome!

  17. Elaine S. says:

    WOW, Sable I thought I got into trouble but you have me beat. I used to work in an E.R. we got a accident victim in one night. He needed his blue jeans removed and the quickest way was to cut them off. I started to cut them off and my little voice told me something wasn’t right I looked down and I not only cutting the patient’s clothes off but I also was cutting my scrub top. I am still trying to live that one down. That’s just one of the things I had happen while I was working….someday I will tell you about coming home looking like a zebra….

  18. jennifer mathis says:

    i too am one of those flasher type people in fact im willing to go as far as to say the small town i live in has seen my junk so many times its no longer special . when wearing a dress one day i spun on the front porch and got hung up on a nail and rip, the bottom of the dress was still hanging on the porch and the ” moon and stars ” (as my daughter likes to call it) came out early that day . my last naked excursion was the day while changing i noticed my son wasnt in the house and out i ran naked as the day i was born to chase him down . as i stood down the block explaining to my 7 yr old that he could not have a job at the gas station whether he was man of the house or not i happened to notice that it was time everyone was going to work. everyone was honking and i thought damn these people aren’t usually this friendly in the morning absent mindedly i wondered what the hell got in evevyones coffee this morning as i rattled on to my boy when he said but mom i really need a job cause we are so poor you have no clothes anymore *snort* a quick glance down to verify the situation and what could a girl do other than wave back at the cars honking . now the town refers to me as the nudist rofl

  19. martha lawson says:

    Thanks for the laughs!! No way in hell could i top these stories, so funny..

  20. kazza16 says:

    Too funny Sable…maybe not at the time, but it good to be able to laugh about things after the fact! You are definitely one of a kind…..and we love you!

  21. Ginny says:

    This was too funny! Thanks for the laughs. I needed them!

  22. Gail S says:

    I can not top any of the stories and certainly not yours Sable, and I’m not going to try! Thanks for making my evening. I needed the laugh. 😀

  23. I just know whenever I feel down and need a boost all I need to do is check out Sable’s posts. I always find something to chuckle about. I so enjoy reading about your antics, Sable. Thanks for the smiles. 🙂

  24. eli yanti says:

    LOL

    Hem.. the funny thing : when my friend was confused and asked many time where is his glasses while he is wearing it 😀

  25. Lea says:

    So I am the only girl I know who can maneuver just fine in four inch stilettos but put me in wedges and I’m toast. I wore these really cute, strappy, brown, wedge sandals to work one day. While walking back to my desk after lunch I tripped over nothing and landed completely sprawled out in front of a couple of the other girls desks. We all laughed our asses off and they would worry about me every time I wore those shoes in the future.

  26. theresa f says:

    I loved the stories above. funny stuff.
    For myself, I was visiting some of my brothers in-laws with him and his wife and we were swimming in their beautiful pool. I felt out of place since I wasn’t really part of the family but an add on with my brother but tried to enjoy as much as possible. While playing with some of the kids, we were going down the slide (repeatedly) and making the biggest splashes we could, one of the aunts called me over to tell mt that I had a piece of gum or something on the butt of my bathing suit. When I went to check it out, there was nothing on my. However… there was a hole there. All I could think of was how long was it there and how many people seen it. UGH

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